


i love you (but not in that way)

by orphan_account



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Divorce, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-16 12:07:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28956198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Thiswas toxic. Caving in and kissing Atsumu was toxic, and what’s even worse was that Atsumu was kissing him back. They were being needy. Needy to feel each other’s touch, needy to get the warmth radiating from one another. They were taking in the last few fervent and wanting touches, making sure they’ve settled everything before the inevitable end.
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Kudos: 14





	i love you (but not in that way)

Wine became Kiyoomi’s best friend after weeks of overwhelming revelations and arguments. Who would blame him? He found out about his husband’s infidelity, lost to a co-worker for a higher position, and divorce papers were laid on his nightstand the night before. Things have gone to shit and wine became his only source of comfort. Besides their pet dog Kiba, of course. Kiba was a huge stress reliever, barking now and then and cuddling him to sleep. 

The front door opened and Kiyoomi stood up in surprise, realizing he couldn’t appear like _this_ in front of Atsumu. No matter how much the man has hurt him, no matter how many lies he’s told, he was still Miya Atsumu--the man he loved. Nothing could change that.

So he set his wine glass aside, tucked the bottle back in the fridge, and faced Atsumu who was still standing by the door. “Stop welcoming me home. You can’t just do that.” were his first words. Kiyoomi laughed before sitting on their couch, legs crossed. “I can do what I want, Atsumu. How was your day?”

He was met with silence.

“‘Tsumu?” He asked again to see Atsumu bent over the kitchen island, hands gripped tight on the marble counters. “Stop being so fuckin’ nice to me,” was all he said before Kiyoomi ran up to him, hands cradling his face. “I said I’m not giving up on us.” to which Atsumu groaned and flipped Kiyoomi’s hands off his face. “How can you not?”

Atsumu looked exasperated, with tears slowly falling from his eyes and exhaustion evident in his posture. “I cheated on you, told you I don’t love you anymore.” He said. “How can you still love me, Kiyoomi?” Kiyoomi took a deep breath, hands resting on Atsumu’s back. “I know we can still do something. ‘Tsumu, please.”

Atsumu turned around, eyes landing on Kiyoomi’s dark ones. _He looks so tired,_ was all Kiyoomi could think of as they maintained eye contact. 

It was tense. Their eyes spoke so much. So many words left unsaid, so many promises made broken. It was getting more and more painful just looking at each other that Atsumu pulled away first. He couldn’t bear to look at the man he used to love. Couldn’t bear to look at someone he broke. He was beyond disgusted with himself after everything he had done. 

“You can’t just act like everything’s fine when I gave you divorce papers, Omi.”

Kiyoomi chuckled before he shut his eyes and leaned in to kiss Atsumu.

_This_ was toxic. Caving in and kissing Atsumu was toxic, and what’s even worse was that Atsumu was kissing him back. They were being needy. Needy to feel each other’s touch, needy to get the warmth radiating from one another. They were taking in the last few fervent and wanting touches, making sure they’ve settled everything before the inevitable end. 

Kiyoomi was a fucking masochist for doing so. He knew he was on the losing end, and he knew this would only hurt him further but he still dug his grave. 

But he still kissed back. He let his hands wander around his husband’s back. He allowed his husband to carry him to their bedroom.

He let his husband make love to him, or so he thinks. He wondered if there was an inkling of love left in Atsumu for him. But he lets him use him nonetheless.

___________________________________

Kiyoomi woke up alone, blankets draped over his naked body. Atsumu was gone.

He had to start getting used to waking up without Atsumu beside him. Of course. After all, his husband had filed for a divorce and soon enough, this reality he was making up in his head would be all gone. The little things that made him whole would soon fade away, and his tender touches would be forever gone.

But even knowing the ugly truth, he refused to succumb to the facts. Even if he knew that Atsumu was only using him for a petty thing like pleasure, he gave in. He let himself hurt, he let himself become a whole masochist. 

_Being alone would suck though,_ Kiyoomi thought once he stood from their (previously) shared bed.

Kiyoomi had to get used to the routine. The routine of waking up without Atsumu hugging him from his behind, brushing his teeth while Atsumu showers, making breakfast with Atsumu. All the little things that made his mornings were bound to be gone soon.

___________________________________

Atsumu regretted a lot of things and hurting Kiyoomi was one of them.

He could never heal the hurt, the pain, and the betrayal he had inflicted on Kiyoomi. He could never make up for his shortcomings, the white lies, and the infidelity. He could never own up to that and he knew that--he had been a terrible husband. The past year was a whirlwind of emotions, confusion and lust reigning at the top to the point Miya let himself go and let loose. He forgotten about Kiyoomi at home, waiting for him, not even thinking of the possibility of cheating. He cheated on his husband no matter what angle you looked at it, and he could never make up for such a grave mistake. 

Was it even a mistake to begin with if he chose to do it?

Miya sighed as he entered the MSBY shower room, removing his shirt after a long day of training. Cruel. That’s what he was. He was cruel for keeping Kiyoomi wrapped around his fingers, cruel for postponing their divorce through nights of rough sex, cruel for even making Kiyoomi think what they had was still salvageable. 

“‘Tsumu, how’s things at home?” Bokuto went up to him, opening his locker. “Fine,” Atsumu replied, nonchalant. That was yet another hurdle. How would he tell his friends, his teammates, that he would be getting a divorce? Everything was eating him up and he had never felt so much guilt, it was unnerving.

“Vague,” Meian walked towards them with a sly grin. “Give us details! How’s Sakusa? And Kiba?” Bokuto nudged him before Atsumu sighed and faced his two friends with a painfully stoic expression.

“I’m… getting a divorce.”

___________________________________

Safe to say, the Black Jackals were all surprised at the news. Through Shouyou’s words, “I could never imagine _them_ to separate,”

But they were. Separating.

___________________________________

“Fuck, ‘Tsumu,” groans and whimpers were heard as Atsumu hastily unbuttoned Sakusa’s top. “Please, fuck,” Sakusa was beyond begging him for more, and he could see how needy he had gotten.

_This_ was wrong. Them having sex was wrong. All Atsumu was doing was giving him false hope and by the end, he would just break his heart all over again. But he didn’t stop, nor he didn’t tell him that what they were doing was wrong. Instead, he flipped Sakusa on his knees and slowly fucked him until both were immensely pleasured and satisfied.

Even if it hurt Sakusa, he accepted it. This was the most he was going to get from Atsumu.

___________________________________

“Do you still love me?”

It was a Sunday afternoon and Atsumu came home early. Those were Sakusa’s first words to him. 

“I do,” Atsumu said. “But I don’t love you the way I loved you.”

___________________________________

Sakusa signed the divorce papers.

It wasn’t easy for the doctor but it all came crashing to him after his last surgery of the day where he finally realized things were just going south with his husband anyway.

The more he caved into Atsumu, the tougher it would be to let go. Why not spare himself the pain for once and let the man go? That was his thought process.

So once he came home, changed from his clothes into his pajamas, and grabbed himself a glass of wine, he placed the divorce papers on the kitchen table. This was it after all. Weeks from now he would be back into a free, single man. No more Doctor Miya-Sakusa Kiyoomi, just Doctor Sakusa Kiyoomi. It would be a change and he was uncertain about this change.

“Hey.”

His bedroom door opened and appeared his husband holding the files he left in the kitchen. “Uh, it’s settled then?”

Sakusa raised his wine glass. “Yeah.” was all he said before his husband closed the door. 

Only for it to be opened not even five seconds later. Atsumu walked in, placing the documents on their shared dresser, and sat on the bed. “One more night. Please.”

And like usual, Sakusa caved. He nodded as he wrapped his arms around Atsumu’s neck, he moaned once Atsumu pressed their lips together. Sakusa let himself go one last time and let himself believe that Atsumu loved him still one last time. He wanted to feel the love, the warmth--he wanted Atsumu even if his love was fake. He wanted even after knowing he was on the losing end. Sakusa wanted Atsumu even if it hurt him, even if he was deceived. He wanted Atsumu to make him whole as he was broken.

___________________________________

Kiyoomi walked back to his office deciding he deserved to rest after a long day. He had done a total of three operations and he was going to an event tonight celebrating the Schweiden Adlers. Of course, he had to be there to congratulate peers from high school.

So he went home, got changed, and went to the venue of the party. 

There he congratulated Wakatoshi (his former high school crush), Kageyama, and Hoshiumi. They gave their all that season and came out on top. They were deserving of the title as champions. 

Sakusa’s eyes met familiar, longing ones.

Atsumu raised a glass of champagne to him on the other side of the room and he nodded back. He wanted to cry--seeing Atsumu when he was fully unprepared was too much. It had only been two months but his ex-husband was mesmerizing. 

But Sakusa held back his tears. Until the very last minute of the event, he kept it in. he didn’t budge until he got inside his sedan, and sobbed.

He missed Atsumu and he wished Atsumu missed him too.


End file.
